We’re heading into the summer wedding season, which means it’s likely that many people will be traveling to attend these ceremonies, and in some cases, traveling across the globe.
After all, destination weddings are becoming an increasingly popular way to celebrate that special day. A report says that the global market for these events is expected to grow from $23.31 billion in 2022 to $78.9 billion in 2027.
But all of this begs the question: If you’re attending such a wedding, and paying hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars in airfare and hotel stays, are you still obligated to buy the lucky couple a gift?
It’s a question often asked on social media, with many guests freely saying they skip buying anything, or at the very least wondering about the practice.
“So if someone has a destination wedding, do they still expect a gift? Like they just spent crazy money just to attend,” one person observed on Twitter.
Another put it this way: “Wondering if couples expect gifts for a destination wedding? Like me, flying across the country should be a gift.”
“Guests going to an out-of-town wedding typically spend $640 if they travel by car and $1,200 if they travel by plane.“
And about the costs of “crazy bread”: they are very real. The Knot, a popular wedding planning site, said guests going to an out-of-town wedding typically spend $640 if they travel by car and $1,200 if they travel by plane, according to a 2022 survey. That compares with a guest spending $260 for a city wedding (most of it is for the gift, according to The Knot, and the rest goes to local transportation and other incidentals).
But etiquette experts and wedding planners MarketWatch spoke with say that regardless of whether the wedding is in your backyard or in Bora Bora, you should always buy a gift (or give money). Otherwise, it’s bad form, they insist.
“You’re celebrating one of the pivotal moments in someone’s life. You shouldn’t be looking for ways to cut corners,” says Jeannie Uyanik, a New York-based wedding planner.
Thomas Farley, an etiquette authority known as Mister Manners, goes so far as to say that if you’re attending a destination wedding, you can’t get away with a cheaper gift either.
“I would give the same dollar amount as if the wedding was five minutes away,” he says.
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But Farley isn’t letting the wedding couple get away with it. In other words, if they ask guests to travel, they should offer them something more than just a wedding dinner. He says group activities, a brunch and a welcome reception should be possibilities to consider.
Florida-based etiquette expert Jacqueline Whitmore says a gift is a must for any wedding you attend. But he sees no harm in spending less on the present if it’s a destination event.
“Instead of getting them a comforter, you might want to downsize and get a pillow or two,” she says.
““You’re celebrating one of the pivotal moments in someone’s life. You shouldn’t be looking for ways to cut corners.” “
Bruce Russell, a wedding planner who focuses much of his business in Europe, adds a couple of caveats to the destination image. For guests, he says if you’re giving a physical gift, don’t bring it with you to the event — no newlyweds want to bring a toaster on the plane ride home.
And for the couple getting hitched, she says it can be a thoughtful touch to suggest that gifts aren’t necessary and that the guest’s presence is what really matters.
When Ann Ragan Kearns, a New York publicist, got married in Mexico last year, she says she didn’t expect gifts from her guests.
“A gift is not required,” he says. “I’m so glad you decided to join us on our special day.”
Of course, all of this discussion begs a bigger question: Should couples even have a destination wedding, knowing that it can be a financial burden for some guests?
Most planners and etiquette professionals say it’s a question that needs careful thought. Russell says couples should really think about whether the key people in their lives can attend the wedding, and even talk about it, before finalizing a plan.
“These are conversations that need to be had,” he says.
