Dear Quentin,
I am 52 years old and live alone with no other income.
For the past 15 years, I earned a great salary in a demanding role at a technology company. The company was sold and I took some time off and then started a different job in a new industry. I make half my old tech salary and have 75% less stress.
In the past, I’ve been generous with graduation or birthday gifts for my sister’s kids or friends’ kids ($50 or $100 gift cards). Now my budget is very tight and I can only offer $25 gift cards. Is this an insult?
I’m worried my friends will think I’m cheap.
Do you have any advice for me?
Aunt/friend who wants to do the right thing
Dear Aunt/Friend,
What matters is that you remember their birthdays and mark their graduations, not that you give $25, $50, or $100. There’s one thing more valuable than a $100 gift card, and that’s a card with a message to say you wish you were there to celebrate.
We are all under orders from etiquette experts to give X amount if you are a parent and Y amount if you are an aunt/uncle or close friend. This guide even suggests adding $100 for every degree your niece, nephew or son earns. What a load of poppy seeds!
Other “experts” – and I use these quotes kindly – suggest that $25 is fine. Of course, there are no hard and fast rules. It all depends on what you can afford. You can also buy a board or card game for the whole family. Monopoly has editions for many US cities.
Etiquette experts give people a range of how much to give friends’ children for graduations, birthdays, communions and bar mitzvahs to eliminate any social awkwardness and help provide a framework to make life easier. All guides should have caveats based on income.
The Moneyist, to be fair, is guilty of this too. I recommend tipping restaurants up to 20%, although it varies by restaurant and city. But I don’t think your friends or siblings hold you to the same individual social contract that a customer enters into with the waiters.
The children of your siblings and friends will receive many cards from friends and family for birthdays and other special occasions. I don’t see them shaking every envelope for a check or a $50 bill. Children want to be remembered by their friends and family, and they want to be seen.
You could do other things like take them to the movies when you’re close to town, or take them out for pizza or a game of tennis at the park. There are so many ways to connect with your nieces and nephews and friends’ children by giving them your time.
Time + Birthday card = Memories.
Amazon AMZN Gift Cards,
I can’t put a price on it.
“I don’t see them shaking every envelope for a check or a $50 bill.”
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